Posted: March 20th, 2017

Difficult Emotion Process

My friend and her boyfriend broke up months ago and I also got affected with the break-up because I’ve also become friends with the ex-boyfriend. My friend has started to see other guys and the ex-boyfriend is seeing other girls too. The thing is, the ex-boyfriend, although he is dating with other girls, isn’t over my friend yet and he is using me as his bridge to his ex-girlfriend. That is fine with me. My role would be to update the ex-boyfriend with how the girl is doing.
As a friend, I had become a confidante of the girl and she would tell me all so I know that the girl is really over her ex-boyfriend and has started to like the guy he met in one of her Chemistry class. Then, being a friend of the ex-boyfriend, I have learned that he constantly thinks of my friend and still hoping that they could come to reconciliation and eventually get back together. I thought that the ex-boyfriend should know that there won’t be a second chance between them. I have already given him the idea and then, he wanted me to tell everything about what I know of his ex and the current of his ex.
I did and this made him confront the ex-girlfriend. Now, my friend is upset at me. Part of me felt guilty and the other makes me think that I shouldn’t for I am just being a friend to both of them. 2. I’ve thought about our friendship and I felt horrible of how it is right now. I felt it’s shouldn’t how friendships should end and I’ve thought friendships shouldn’t be ruined like that. Being in the same school, we can avoid passing each other but we can’t avoid seeing each other. On our free time, I asked her if she wanted to talk and she said yes.

Maybe, she felt the same as I did and maybe, she also wanted to talk about it. I think she misses me too! I told her that I regret not having to explain to her right away and that we ended not talking to each other. I explained to her that I felt guilty about having to disclose her dating with another guy to her ex-boyfriend, but, I think as a friend to her ex, I should help him move on and by telling him about her new guy this would make him think. I also told her that I think she should also tell this to his ex so the ex could start moving on.
I said that when she got upset, I also felt the same towards her because I couldn’t understand why she would feel like that and I couldn’t sleep thinking of what she is thinking about me. I said that I also had second thoughts of telling it all to the ex. I also told her that I felt I do not deserve the cold treatment I’ve been receiving from her for days because I think I did the right thing to help the ex and that will not do her any harm and that there is no point of keeping the dating in secret from her ex.
And if she felt that I’m not supposed to befriend the ex, it isn’t right. I told her that I wanted to get things back the way it was before all those things happened. 3. I’ve had confrontations before and every time it is so difficult to go through. I watched her reactions and I saw that she is also saddened. She was listening intently. When it came to the part where I told her of how I do not deserve her kind of treatment, she covered her face and started to cry, but she kept on listening. I think I did all the talking at our conversation.
She was so quiet. It was really awkward. I thought, at that moment, I was hurting her. Just to end the silence, I asked her if she wanted to buy a soda. She turned to me and said she missed me. I don’t know if things between us is really okay right now, but maybe it would. I hope it would. Maybe later we could try fixing things. I think what’s important is that we start talking to each other again. Later, I would try to talk her through trusting each other again. 4. The skill was useful, although I wasn’t perfectly sure if I followed it all.
But it reminded me of many points that would help me and it did help me. The timing was perfect, I wasn’t telling any non-sense that could have hurt her more. I think it helped me make my friend understand how I felt. I was so cautious with my words and because I know her well, I know which words could hurt her and which won’t and how I should tell her. I just know how she would take things based on how it is being delivered to her. I didn’t get much response from her at that time, but, later, she’ll talk.

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